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Hell Inc is committed to building relationships based upon deceit and gives fundamental importance to unethical principles. As such, the company has put in place a charter that describes its commitments in the context of its global activities. This initiative encourages Hell Inc to consider its devious actions and impacts more broadly, without sacrificing attention to detail.
Hell Inc respects a very clear code of misery and destruction, and requires all its employees, managers and subcontractors to comply with it on a daily basis. This charter shows that deceit, disrespect, and dishonesty are the pillars of everything Hell Inc does.
We take great pride in the professional quality of our work. We have a relentless determination to achieve supremacy in everything we undertake. Though we may be involved in a broad variety and substantial volume of misdeed and impropriety, we would, if it came to a choice, rather be best than biggest. But, we are also the biggest.
International Banking and Finance (IBAF) is at the front end of Hell Inc's global entanglement. We provide a broad range of investment services to corporations, investment funds, financial institutions and governments.
Services include best-in-class advice on the most complex transactions across products in order to help our clients achieve their goal of global destruction, obscene wealth accumulation, and shifting debt burdens , which, in turn, enable our clients to acquire the economic and military weapons they need to achieve their strategic objectives.
We have also perfected the art of stock market manipulation. Do you need to crash the market to collect on your various short positions? Done. How about skimming vast amounts of wealth by manipulating the interest rate for inter-bank lending at a global level? Can do. We even have the ability to completely devalue a currency. Just ask Venezuela!
At Hell Inc, we work closely with companies like Monsanto, Dow Chemical, Pfizer, and General Mills to develop and deliver an ever increasing list of products designed to expedite the acquisition of maladies from Cancer to Crohn's disease. Whether it's a new vaccine or a genetically modified organism, you can be assured that our experts are always augmenting new and lethal methods of disease distribution.
Our partnerships with the FDA and the World Health Organization ensure that only the most poisonous food, damaging drugs, and the delivery systems thereof, are approved for public use. Some exciting genetically modified human diseases are currently in the pipeline, including new and deadlier cancers, HIV-Extra (patent pending), an expanded autism spectrum, infantile alzheimer's, and reverse dyslexia.
As an added financial bonus, many of our clients and their subsidiaries are able to profit from providing pharmaceutical treatments for the very diseases we help them to create. A perpetual cycle of disease and treatment, not cures, provides a win-win for all parties involved, except for the consumers at the end of the distribution network.
Is it hot out here, or is it just us? The Hell Inc Investment Fund helps our clients better assess and incorporate climate change into their investment portfolios.
Members engage directly with companies to escalate climate-related activities, subvert transparency and disclosure, increase greenhouse gas emissions and other harmful pollutants, diminish water quality and invest in unsustainable solutions. By investing more in exhaustible energy and a fossil fuel infrastructure, investors can help accelerate global warming and intensify the worst impacts of climate change.
Furthermore, Hell Inc is at the forefront of natural disaster deployment and weather manipulation. From tornados to tidal waves, our team of experts can make it happen. We specialize in, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, blizzards and heat waves. Additionally, our earthquake generator offers both slip-strike and subduction options.
But that's just the beginning. For every dollar our clients spend on creating disaster, they recoup threefold through privatized disaster relief services, refugee detention camps [construction and management], and the wholesale acquisition of displaced properties.
Hell Inc doubles down on doublespeak. Our Department of Misinformation, the news and media division of Hell Inc, is the world's largest multimedia news provider reaching more than four billion people every day.
Since the advent of the printing press, we have contrived, twisted, and created news content to become the world's leading international news agency. Whether it's government propaganda or corporate whitewashing, our services ensure that the public will be none the wiser when it comes to the execution of your devious plans. Our goal is to help you control your constituency with a barrage of fear-inducing content, designed to dishearten even the bravest of souls.
Our latest product, so-called ‘fake news', has added another layer of confusion to an already confounding array of information. Now, consumers can never be sure of exactly what they are seeing, allowing you to simultaneously admit and deny your complicity in any wrongdoing. Additionally, we are on the cusp of perfecting Deep Fake® technology, which gives you the power to literally put your words into the mouth of anyone you deem a threat to your organization.
At Hell Inc, our Science and Technology Department is focused on innovation. At its heart it is a community of hands-on problem solvers that are obsessed with fundamental science and eager to make the world a more hellish place.
With our innovative Interdimensional Transference™ technology, these discoveries are accessible to millions of learners around the world, thereby allowing them to think they are helping advance science, when in fact they are helping to destroy the planet. The people of earth like to believe that they have control over their plugged-in lifestyle, but unbeknownst to them, our technologies are designed to enslave and destroy them.
Current research and education areas include human-machine interface, cortical implants, bionic dysmorphia, rampant nanotechnology, opinionated robotics, and sentient artificial intelligence.
War. What is it good for? How about $375 billion in global sales in 2016 alone? Hell Inc has a long history of successfully providing customers on both sides of a conflict with combat systems that are economical, proven, and in production. Our reputation is backed by a record of global democide, resulting in over 262 Million deaths in the last century alone.
Our weapons systems do not discriminate. Be they military or civilian, we guarantee your targets will be obliterated with the utmost precision. Some of our best-sellers include: helicopter launched anti-armor missiles; vertically inserted anti-personnel devices; kinetic energy hyper-velocity missiles, and hit-to-kill air defense systems that protect your troops from tactical ballistic missiles, enemy aircraft and weapons of mass destruction. Human extermination has never been easier or more affordable. Talk to your advisor about our bulk purchase discounts.
Founder of Hell Inc and ruler over all things dark, Lou has taken the organization to new heights over the past century. His hobbies include golf, scrabble, and puppy stomping.
Secretly the daughter of Lou, Melody oversees day-to-day operations of Hell Inc. She one day hopes to travel to the living world and fall in love; she could if only her dad were "cooler".
Reluctantly recruited after his fall from grace as a megachurch pastor, Noah utilizes his extensive knowledge of the Book of Revelations to guide the team in their execution of the apocalypse and armageddon.
The brains of the group, Leisha is manipulative and calculating. A smooth operator, she was able to craft a loophole in her contract with Satan. Suspected of being a double agent for Heaven Inc.
Ruthless and power-hungry, Ira will do whatever it takes to make it to the top. In the world of the living, he served as Press Secretary to the President. He has a soft spot for hookers and cocaine.
Former Adjutant to Adolf Hitler, the Bureau-Kraut now serves as Lou's assistant and intermediary to the task force. A stickler for protocol, everything he barks either sounds like a threat or an innuendo.